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PLNgee Ann Polytechnic Singapore |
Saturday, November 01, 2008
@ Saturday, November 01, 2008
Maria complains, because I don't update. I'm such a lazy bum that I really can't bother to sometimes. But let me take some time to talk about my life today. I hate how I keep rushing forward without stopping to think about what I've been up to.This is one of the toughest period in my life, period. (Haha) No, really, right now my life is bad, a lot has happened, and I am having my worst period ever. Last Monday, we went exploring at a lot of museums in Singapore. Free entry for everything cos it was a public holiday! It was awesome great fun and I liked it a lotttt a lot. I love the Philatelic Museum the best, I know it sounds like a penis museum (I thought it was when I glanced at the name) but noooo it is not, it is a stamp museum. The biennale at city hall was craphell scary. I don't know how many times I screamed but all I remembered was that my heart kept thumping and it won't stop. Oh wait, my heart is supposed to be thumping. Well it was thumping real fast the whole while I was there then, it was hell scary, they did it on intention to scare people, I swear! Then school is hell. I am so busy with all the research to be done that I think I need to sleep in the library soon. I don't like it :( I think I will stay in Singapore to finish up my degree anyway. I can't decide, still. I know it is far away but I need to know what I want to do. I hate being lost and tangled between whether I should leave right after I graduate or stay on. Maybe I'll stay. And leave for good, right after this 4 years. I don't know. I'll let you know once I'm done thinking. My grandmother passed away on Thursday night. I felt sad when I knew about it. I (unfortunately) am not close to her at all. She's my daddy's mum, and she is old. She's 88. She has lung cancer (I think) and wasn't doing so well for a while already. She doesn't know my name, or even recognise me sometimes. But it's cos she has 14 children and each has like 2 child and some of my cousins are even 40+ which means that she has great grandchildren and ... okay it's messy and confusing and I don't know the whole web either. The good thing was that all her children were there when she took her last gasp of air.. I'm happy for her in another sense. At least she's going to meet my grandfather. He passed away when I was 5, and my level of understanding of my grandmother has probably stopped then too. My daddy loves my grandmother a lot, I think that out of all her children, he probably gives her the most. The past few years, lesser of my aunts and uncles turn up to visit her. We used to be there every weekend, which stopped when I was maybe.. 12? Then people completely stop going over. For many years. She was never good at relationships, never good at interacting or talking. In fact, she never talks. She just eats during new year, and she looks sad all the time. I really wished I knew her better, or at least tried to. I can't talk to her at all, cos I never understood cantonese and she can't speak mandarin. But well, it's too late. I just wish she'll go off to be with my grandfather soon. My dad is so brave btw! :] He says he's not so sad my grandmother's gone cos he has done all he can for her and he had shared many fond memories with her, he drives her out every week cos she likes to be out at night, and buys her her favourite siew mai. He did his best, and he's proud of all he has already done all the while. I love my daddy, and I am so damn proud of him. Mm. And.. now I am trying hard to study as hard as I can. The pursue of education is not easy at all. I am not having a good time, and there were so many instances when I wished I chose the easier way out (to stay at SAJC). This is my passion, to be in the field when I can do psychology and work with children, but it is such a long and tiring journey. I keep losing my momentum due to the breaks. But I am also only 18, and I have such a long way ahead. Now, I have really lost sight of how I want to end up at where I want to be, but I'll keep trying to find the way. Where to go next, should I do my masters, should I go into the field of education... I hope I can answer these questions soon. Meanwhile, people, hold on. We'll tide through this hard time together and come out earning big buckkksssss! Chanel, burberry, here I come!!! :D |
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